Why getting married in your 20s doesn’t suck

I’ve been reading a blogpost going around on my Facebook feed called “23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23”. While I agree that young women should be thinking more about developing their lives and interests than getting married, I found the post to be, well, just insulting.

This is the most self-righteous, pretentious piece of crap I have ever read, and while I agree with the premise, while I was reading this garbage I was kind of rooting for the other side. This person is a moron of epic proportions.

A quote to wet your whistle: “Sure. Some days I wake up and stare at my ceiling thinking: ‘I’m single as fuck.’ But then I realize that [my married] friends are going to get knocked up and fat soon sssoooo in retrospect, who really is winning here?”

I can’t believe this has popped up on my feed more than 3 times.

http://wanderonwards.com/2013/12/30/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/

This garbage has inspired other angry, more articulate responses like this one: http://kbeauregard.wordpress.com/2013/12/31/my-first-blog-the-result-of-a-close-minded-23-year-old/

So, as a law school drop out, I’m going to play devil’s advocate and argue the pro-marriage side, in order to contradict this piece of crap. I’m going to go down her list and…well…show how moronic this is because, as a soon-to-be bride in her 20s, I’m a little offended:

1. Get a passport. You can do this while married. You can also travel with your partner, which is super fun, I recommend it!

2. Find your “thing.” You can do this while married and unmarried and should do it over and over again for the rest of your life.

3. Make out with a stranger. If you are getting married, at any age, you are publicly stating that this is not your “thing” and you only want to make out with your husband.

4. Adopt a pet. You can do this while married and it’s actually more responsible to do so. More adults in the home means the animal gets more attention.

5. Start a band. You can do this while married.

6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too. You can do this while married…and you’ll have a husband to help you eat it. Someone loving your cooking/baking always makes it taste better.

7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage. This is not true if you marry responsibly. Anyone who knows anything about sociology knows that the statistics do not make the individual. Your life does not have to follow the statistics. Also, you can get a tattoo while married. If you’re the kind to gravitate towards getting some ink, you should pick a spouse who’s okay with it.

8. Explore a new religion. You can do this while married. If you are the type to explore other religious persuasions, you should have a supportive spouse.

9. Start a small business. You can do this while married, and you’ll have someone to give you objective advice. This woman seems to miss the entire point of having a life partner. If you want to explore your spirituality, start a small business, or get some ink, your spouse should be supportive to a reasonable degree. Your spouse should also check your decisions to make sure you don’t make a permanent decision that you’ll regret. This is why we have life partners. So we have some reasonable oversight on the important stuff, but mostly support, support, support.

10. Cut your hair. You should be able to do this while married. Again, the last 4 items on this list lead me to believe that this woman thinks that all spouses are unflappable, unsupportive, jerkwads. I fear that in her case it’ll be a self-fulfilling prophesy. If she thinks life-partners act this way, she’ll accept treatment like this.

11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face. This is unhealthy, attention-seeking behavior and harmful for everyone involved. This woman needs to seriously consider therapy.

12. Build something with your hands. You can do this while married.

13. Accomplish a Pinterest project. You can (and should!) do this while married.

14. Join the Peace Corps. This is the one thing that has merit. If you’re the type to want to join the Peace Corps, you should not marry young.

15. Disappoint your parents. Why? Also, you can do this while married.

16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again. You can do this while married…with your spouse…it’ll be extra hilarious.

17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting. You can do this while married…and still have sex afterwards!

18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. You can do this while married, and you can enlist a partner in crime. *shifty eyes*

19. Sign up for CrossFit. You can do this while married, and you’ll have your own personal cheerleader!

20. Hangout naked in front of a window. You can do this while married. Also, attention-seeking behavior. You have no other reason to do this. Seek therapy.

21. Write your feelings down in a blog. You can do this while married.

22. Be selfish. You can be a little selfish while married, it’s a little known fact. Having a life partner is a little like Christmas. You give and you get, but if you’re truly in love, you find more pleasure in the giving than the getting. Still, if you’re the type that LOVES to get and doesn’t really love to give all that much, abstain from marriage all together. It’s not for everyone.

23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year. No.

DSC_0649

Traveling with your partner can be way more fulfilling than traveling alone.

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4 thoughts on “Why getting married in your 20s doesn’t suck

  1. I think the point of the article was you have your entire life to be married, however, you’ll only have one chance to experience your early 20’s and it shouldn’t be spent getting married. The list in itself was a joke implying that you should do anything rather than get married before you’re 23. Instead you should embrace being alone and use your early 20’s to change and grow and make those mistakes that you won’t be able to make when you’re older. It’s a time for self discovery to determine who you want to be and how to become that person. Just my two cents! 🙂

    • I agree…and I think young women should spend their early 20s doing just that. I spent my early 20s traveling and finishing up my bachelors and starting law school (I became disabled when I was 24ish so I haven’t done much since then) and I’m glad I did. I still think that the article was written very judgmentally and very harshly (see the quote I posted). In the end, we make these extremely important choices about life for very intimate reasons and to pass very harsh, blanket judgment upon people like this article does is wrong, in my opinion. This is my way of saying that women who make the decision to get married young aren’t necessarily throwing their lives and independence away. They know this already, but the world doesn’t seem to know it.

      • I became disabled probably about 18-20 years old. It’s hard to tell, as I can’t really remember a time when I was pain free. I don’t agree that women “shouldn’t” get married before 23. I am of the firm belief that a person should marry when they feel happy with their partner and ready. I met my husband by complete accident (it was as if fate intervened, honestly.) and dated him many years before we got married shortly after I turned 21. Many of the things on that list I can’t do with my husband and are more fun *with my husband.*

        I can make out with him whenever I want and never get mouth herpes… That’s a plus… I’ve made out with strangers several times before marrying… I enjoy making out with my husband more.

        Just because I had a ring on my finger at a young age doesn’t mean I was, or am, incapable of self discovery. I’ve learned a lot about myself and found my “thing” several times. Sometimes my husband doesn’t get it but he accepts me and my quirks, as I do for him.

        I sincerely hope the author of that stupid list learns what a blessing marriage can truly be. Either that or may the fleas from a thousand camels desend on her attention-whore crotch.

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